On Being An Adult Aspie

Te-Erika Patterson

 I am a blogger and many of my readers would write to me sharing they think that my social struggles stem from having Aspergers syndrome which is a social communication and interaction development disorder on the autism spectrum. After one too many of these casual diagnosis, I decided to look it up and learn more. No need for a formal diagnosis since there is no cure or treatment and I like to give myself labels instead of allowing others to define me. What it has done is brought healing to my life. I used to be so confused about why I couldn’t ‘act right’. I have accepted the title of being an Aspie and when I share with others it helps them to be more patient with me.

For the first time I will list out my quirks.
 
I always repeat things twice. I say things two times.
I love talking to people but I hate when they try to develop a continuing relationship with me. One convo is enough.
I seem to say and do the most inappropriate things which is pure comedy for others but I feel so guilty afterwards because I didn’t mean to be offensive.
I am obsessive about my goals and I achieve every one of them.
I see the world so differently that people think I am TRYING to be contrary just to cause trouble, but I am not.
I have panic attacks every day.
I feel that I do not belong on this planet and can not think of one person I feel safe with, not even my parents.
While I am here I figure that I may as well do something about the problems in the world and I actually TRY.
I love my life and am extremely successful but I have to convince myself to celebrate because I know this is not real and this is not my home.
There is no one whose opinion I respect more than my own.
I have been single, not even dating, for 15 years.
I have never met another aspie.
When I have an anxiety attack I usually repeat “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” to no one in particular over and over again and I have to stop myself.
I am self centered and talk about myself a LOT and get paid to do it on Youtube.
I am a relationship coach and I teach others how to achieve happiness in their relationships which is something I can not do.
I have not made a new friend in 10 years.
I think every person I meet is temporary and I treat them that way.
I love saying goodbye and moving on from the different chapters of my life.
When I have an anxiety attack the only thing that calms me down is a hug but I have no friends or family to give me one so I have to ride it out alone.
I can’t do repetitive work or stay in one place too long, it feels WRONG.
I LOVE watching videos of food porn, it arouses me sexually.
I believe everyone who meets me thinks I am weird.

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